At exactly this time, 1 week from now, I will be on a one way flight to Chiang Mai, Thailand.
All summer long, I was filled with a bubbling energy, excited about about my future plans to teach English on the other side of the world, to escape the life I am so comfortable with and to fully dive into the unknown. I was so sure in my decision and confident that it was the perfect next step to integrate myself into the next chapter of my life. I felt as though there was really nothing at home tying me down, no job, no romantic interest, just the same old life I was used to and a yearning for something more.
However, when fall rolled round, I became less and less grounded in my upcoming endeavor and have been overcome with anxiety.
The Universe has an interesting sense of humor.
Since the beginning of the summer, I’ve been offered multiple singing gigs and lead vocals in bands, the King of Thailand has passed away and the entire country is in the state of mourning for a year, and the most unpredictable circumstance of it all, I’ve fallen in love with an amazing man. All of these newfound experiences and opportunities constantly call me back to question, “Why are you leaving?”
Today during my yoga practice, I realized I’m having all of these feelings now, one week away, because the decision to leave was easy, it’s the physical departure that will be the most terrifying. Buckling my seatbelt on the plane knowing that when I touch the ground again it will be on the other side of the world, 11 hours ahead of everyone I love. Having to trust that I’ll have the experience I am meant to have. Having to trust that I will be assigned a teaching position a town that is perfect for me, in a school that is perfect for me within a grade I can teach effectively, but also learn a lot from (yes, I have NO idea where I will be living come December).
So, why am I leaving? I’m leaving because I refuse to feel stuck or paralyzed by the fear of the unknown, I refuse to settle into a routine and continue to feel comfortable without stepping outside my comfort zone. I’m leaving because I made a promise to myself that I would see a new part of the world after college and not let anyone or anything keep me from doing so.
I’m leaving home so I can find home within myself.
I guess what it all boils down to is yes, I’m scared of the departure… but I’m so excited for the arrival.