I keep notes on my computer in the ‘stickies’ app of my mac – tiny reminders, to-do’s, quotes, webinar notes etc.
Yesterday, I was jotting some to-do’s down for my job with Yoga Home. After opening a blank box, a few old notes popped up.
First was the purple sticky: the to-do’s
This was dated 11/30/15… How many of those blogs have been published? Not enough.
Next was the red sticky: books to read
They haven’t been read.
The yellow sticky: the night job
A long list of links to interesting covers, songs, and places to sing them. None of which have been sang or played at.
And lastly, the blue sticky:
You get it by now, I haven’t gone.
These notes to myself have come up at a time that I can’t just push off as being a coincidence. Feeling lost post graduation, I know they were brought back up to remind me that I do have dreams, and there are many things that I’ve wanted to do that I continue to push out of my mind.
Looking at all of the empty promises I have made to myself, I wonder why I haven’t held myself accountable.
If someone else is counting on me, I always get the job done. However, after seeing all of these unfulfilled dreams typed out with so much promise, I realize that I am not willing to follow through for myself.
What is holding me back from writing the article, reading the book, singing the song, or taking the trip? Why haven’t I placed any value in my ideas or to-do’s?
I am fearful.
Writing the article means being vulnerable, sharing details and stories that are hard for me to process and sometimes hard to revisit. Not only choosing the right words to convey how I feel, but understanding how I feel in the first place.
Reading the book means being open to new ways of thinking, breaking old habits and admitting ignorance.
Singing the song means sharing a part of me to a room full of strangers that may or may not think I am good enough.
Taking the trip means doing something out of the norm, taking a risk, exploring the unknown and taking more time to dive into “the real world.”
All of the things I have been avoiding are the ones that hold up the mirror and force me to confront myself. And frankly, I don’t always look as pretty as I’d like.
What dreams have you been pushing to the back burner? Comment below.