It’s For You

523704_10151193684926446_987787081_nA close friend of mine asked me if I had been writing anything lately, he had checked out my blog every so often, only to find that nothing had been added.

I explained I have been writing, that there are countless scribbles in my journal and drafts on the web, left unpublished and that for some reason, I could not put them out into the world.

“It’s for you,” he said. “It’s okay to have something be just for you.”

And that’s all I needed to understand.

At times during these past 6 months on my coaching journey, I have felt raw, sensitive, and naked. I originally had the intention that I would share every emotion, breakthrough, hardship, and epiphany. But, that did not happen. And a part of me had felt guilty about this.

I had originally martyred myself, making this “sacrifice” of pure transparency, promising I would share my “struggles” and make everyone who reads them better because of it. I was being the typical hero– a role I have learned I tend to fall into most.

But, along the way I learned that during the process, everything is too fresh and too real to digest and share right away, even to those I trust most. I was already the most vulnerable I have ever been (vulnerability hasn’t been a place I have typically shined in prior to coaching) in my life.

Trying to put my journey into words in a way that people would understand was just going to strip me of my own self-discovery and acceptance. I knew that I would start catering my realizations to what sounded best on paper, rather than unveiling what was truly going on beneath the surface.

I do not hold tight to guilt for not making my thoughts public. I once held tight because I was disappointed in myself for yet again starting something I wouldn’t finish. Something I have done time and time again. But, this time around it was not out of laziness, avoidance or disconnection. I just needed to write for myself.

It’s for me.

 

 

  1 comment for “It’s For You

  1. Janelle Macrae
    January 21, 2016 at 10:57 am

    Beautiful! We are in alignment.
    This morning the words GENTLE and AUTHENTIC arrived for me.
    Just for me, and now for you 🙂

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